December 1, 2022

Breakups are hardly ever the end of a relationship. Sure, you’re both officially single and free from each other, but there will be lingering feelings in there somewhere that still need to be addressed. In some cases, only one of you is truly ready and poised to move on; whereas the other is still hanging around and hoping for a second chance.

Tough luck if you’re the one who wants another shot. But it’s so much better when it’s your ex practically groveling to get back into your good graces.

Picking out the right comeback for an ex can be challenging. If you had an awful breakup, it’s quite fun to finally whip out those barbed texts and send him a scathing reply. That’s sure to make him go scurrying away as you laugh with delight at your new persona. On the other hand, not all breakups end badly. There are simply some relationships that come to its natural conclusion, and it would do no good to send your ex a sarcastic reply when he never really did anything wrong.

So whatever your situation may be, however bitter you may be towards your ex, there’s sure to be a response in this list that will resonate well with you.


He says: I miss you.

when your ex texts you what does that mean

You say:

You should have though about missing me before you messed up our entire relationship. I guess regrets come back to bite you at the worst time, huh?

Don’t give me the sappy texts when you know full well that things between us will never be the same. It’s over between you and me, and it’s about time you come to terms with it.

You’re not even worth the calories I burn talking to you.

Today my professor told me that every cell in our entire body gets destroyed and replaced every seven years. How comforting it is to know that one day I will have a body you will never have touched.

Sometimes I miss you too. But on most days I just remember how much of a douche you were.

Hahahahahaha. Sometimes I forget how well you deliver your jokes.

Awww, I used to miss you too. But I think I’m smarter than that now.

I may think of you softly from time to time. But I’ll cut off my own hand before I ever reach for yours again.


He says: I want to see you again.

how to respond to an ex asking how you are

You say:

That’s not fair. You know I’m still attracted to you, but I can never get over what you did. So how about we give each other some space?

Oh honey, you know you’ll just end up hurting yourself when you see someone you can never have.

I could use some time away from your inflated ego, you know.

You look 100% better when I can’t see you.

I can’t blame you. Sadly, I have no plans of ever seeing your ugly mug ever again.

Sometimes I feel the same way. So I go outside and see all the garbage bins and dog poop on the street and it’s like I’m looking into your face again.

Get in line because you’re not the only one.

Go on my Instagram.


He says: We should give this another chance.

when your ex texts you i miss you

You say:

No, we shouldn’t. Because we both know our relationship never really stood a chance in the first place.

We should give being single another chance because being alone is way better than being with someone who will only end up hurting you.

Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in the drought – useless and disappointing.

That’s like getting first degree burns from touching a hot stove and wanting to do it again. I’m not that stupid.

I know I had bad taste and low standards, but I’m not that dumb.

Sorry, I’m not Adele. I don’t wish the best for you nor do I want to find someone like you. I do, however, want to set fire to all your stuff.

Taking your ex back is like going to a garage sale and buying back your own crap!


He says: We should be friends.

Responses for When Your Ex-Boyfriend Texts You

You say:

Maybe someday we can be friends, but that time isn’t now.

After all the crap you put me through, you still think I’ll want to be friends with you? What kind of fantasy land do you live in?

I don’t think friends hurt each other the way we hurt each other.

The day I need a friend like you, I’ll just have myself a little squat and shit one out.

I need you like a fish needs a bicycle.

Look, I’ve been very civil. But if you don’t quit pestering me I will drive a truck through your house.

Stop trying to make “friends happen”, it’s never going to happen.

An ex asking to be friends after breaking up is like kidnappers asking you to “keep in touch” after letting you go.

Thanks but I’d rather chew on broken glass.

I’d rather set myself on fire.


He says: I still love you.

when an ex texts you hey

You say:

You have to understand that it takes more than just love to make a relationship work. We really had a great thing going, but we both know that we’re better off apart.

And I love myself too. In fact I love myself so much that I’ll do whatever it takes to never ever date someone like you ever again!

Damn, that’s too bad because I don’t even remotely like you anymore.

Ex means “thanks for the EXperience, our time has EXpired, now EXit my life.”

Would you please be a dear and close the door on your way out of my life? Thanks.

Of course you do! I was a great catch but you were too caught up in your stupid-ass antics to realize how good we had it.

Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.


With all these responses lined up for when your ex-boyfriend texts you, it would be no surprise if he ends up never wanting to talk to you again!

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